Sometimes I feel like my life is moving in VERY slow motion compared to everyone else. I think it also doesn't help that I am a jealous person. It's aggravating when it seems like everything you want, others get. I don't know how to get over this.

Change

Personally, I don't think you can ever really change someone into what you want or believe they should be. The only change will be a facade, what that person believes you want them to be. While they are acting in a manner that you wish, it isn't who they are. It may make you happy in the short-term, but over time you begin to realize that individual is "faking" it, and they really are the same individual that you first met.

People will only change their set ways if they truly believe that they will be better off for it. Unfortunately, they probably do not realize what you believe needs changing (otherwise they would have done it already).

You shouldn't force someone to act a certain way, especially if you care about that person and their well being. I highly doubt you would ever want that person to be fake for your own personal enjoyment.

Speaking from personal experience, I felt if you nag someone long enough, they will become set in other ways. However, I soon realized that you should search for the things you love in people and focus on those things, rather than pick apart what is wrong. Once you accept another person, you will find yourself much happier and laid back. If you start finding issues that need to be changed, you will only continue to do so and never be happy with the end product.

is three really a crowd?

I've thought long and hard about this question and have yet to take a stance on it. More specifically, is three a crowd when a couple spends time with a single mutual friend in a non-couple (in a friendly and non-sexual way)? Consider that in this situation both individuals in the relationship are equally friendly with the other individual. Does anyone in this three-some ever feel awkward? Does the relationship between the three breed room for jealousy?

For the most part, regarding mutual friends of David and myself, one of us normally has a closer relationship with the friend than the other (although sometimes barely). When I think of one mutual friend that we both have the same relationship with, if she were to hang out with us (given she was not in a relationship), I am unsure as to how this would make me feel. I wonder if there would be feelings of jealousy on my part. If I would feel uneasy or uncomfortable. Or rather, if my feelings would be the same. I question this because I wonder how the dynamics of our relationship would change if she was single. Would I feel more safe? While I trust David, can you really ever trust other people?

Simply put though, if the friendship is equal can this cause issues to arise? If anything, I wonder if the non-couple also feels uncomfortable. I would hate for that to happen. Do they harbor feelings of jealousy or are they simply happy with his/her life. Unfortunately, there is no easy way to tell, other than being blunt and asking. Part of me says that they would not surround themselves with couples if they felt uncomfortable though.

When I think where I have been placed in situations alone with two friends who are dating (especially life pre-serious relationship), I cannot say that I have felt uncomfortable, but the dynamics of the situation do seem to change. This is due in part to the fact I try not to continually be alone with couples. I would prefer to be in large groups or alone with someone. I cannot say I have the same comfort level that I would if the two friends were not in a relationship.

So really, if three is a crowd, who is meant to feel uncomfortable? One of the individuals in "the couple" or the party in the non-couple? The true answer is, it simply depends on the situation and the parties involved. Personally, I have yet to find this type of situation where three really ISN'T a crowd (I'd love to finally be proven wrong though, because I have yet to figure out why I feel this way).

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Can you change someone or must they want to change on their own? More on this tomorrow.

independence.

When it comes to relationships, I often wonder if individuals have trouble finding independence from their significant others. For the most part, those I know in committed relationships, show little or no means of making time for a life outside of their boyfriend/girlfriend. I wonder if this is the norm. Too often I notice those in relationships become so wrapped up in the feeling of being in love, that they forget life prior to having a significant other.

Out of every couple I know, myself included, I have not yet found a couple that I believe to equally placed importance on their love life and non-love life. I cannot claim that I have found a perfect balance, but it's highly important to find time for your lover as well as your friends/family. Don't get me wrong, David is my best friend and I would be happy if he were the only one in my life. However, part of me questions how one can simply turn their back on everything they knew before a relationship.

I feel as if I turned my back on many friends by becoming so consumed with a new found love. Since then, I have learned from that and have worked to find time for all of the important people in my life. At this point, I especially feel this is vital.

I feel that moving in with that significant other will place certain limits on the time you are able to devote to other things in your life. After a hard day of work, you want to relax. If you are living with your SO, chances are that time will be spent with them. Limitations are in place. Moving in with David permanently in May will test how well I have been able to practice what I preach.

If you are able to communicate having some form of independence to your significant other, it may be truly beneficial for your relationship. However, I know that not all couples function the same. Both may be content with spending all of their free time together. This is fine. For me, I would never want to be forgotten by my friends and family, so I make sure to find time for them.

mini vacation

This week I am heading to Raleigh to head out with my girlfriends and spend some time with David. I'm going to drive up there tomorrow and come back during/after the Superbowl.

Hopefully I will get to see as many people up there as possible. Wednesday night the ladies and I are heading out to Buckhead in downtown Raleigh. I'm not really so hot about the fact that they charge cover no matter what time you show up at, but oh well. For the first time ever I can go to Buckhead and not have class the next morning. I will probably drive myself though, so I don't drink too much.

David and I are going out for our romantic dinner and night on Friday. We are unsure if we are going to get to spend Valentine's day together. This shouldn't come as a surprise though. In the four V-Day's we have been together, we have never spent the actual day or night as a couple. We were always in different cities or busy with work or school. 2009 should be the last time we have to do that though, thankfully!

Other than that, I am finally recovering from whatever illness I had before. It took a while, and I'm sure exercising didn't help the healing process, but if I don't keep on working out then I will probably stop all together. I'm just glad I am feeling more like myself again. The past few days have been absolutely miserable.

I'm addicted to the Bad Girls Club! They have been running a marathon all day. These girls (because they sure don't act like mature women) are insane!

sick as a dog.

I've been really sick the past few days. I've been taking Zycam when I first started feeling ill, and honestly I think it has just made me more sick. Despite what everyone tells me about it, it definitely has not curbed my cold + sinus infection. I feel absolutely wretched and just want to feel as if my head won't explode at any given moment.

I have been trying to keep working out. I skipped yesterday and only did 4 miles today (and hated every minute of it). I'm not sure if I will get up tomorrow, because at this rate I feel as if I will pass out. Fortunately, my appetite has been SLIGHTLY lowered. This is always nice for me as I have a tendency to overeat.

Anyhow, I found a part-time job at a pizza parlor. I will be working there until I decide to give them full notice about my full-time position in June. He understands that I have a degree, and while I haven't told him about my plans to leave in a few months, he has the understanding that I may find my dream job eventually.

I found my journal from the years 2002 through 2004. I wrote in a livejournal, and then when I decided to retire it, I printed out all of my entries and put them into a book. It is amazing at how immature I sounded. It was only a few years ago, but I feel like I have grown so much as an individual and matured into someone who I am quite proud of. Things have come together for me. It's funny how in high school everything seems as if it is the end of the world. Nothing is as dramatic as I made it out to be. I am actually quite ashamed of how I sounded in my journal entries from back then. It was nice to read over some of them, but to be honest I think I am going to tear up the pages and put them in the trash. I feel like I am a more improved version of the Kim from back then, and instead of carrying her around with me, I would rather just put that in the past and destroy it. I have a feeling I will be throwing out a lot when I move out in May though. It's time to start fresh (plus, what a great excuse to go out and buy new things)!

lovely weekend

David came in from Raleigh to visit this weekend. We had a great time, spending time with friends and family each night during our long weekend. It is sad to see him go, but I keep looking forward to May putting a final end to on-and-off long-distance. We also had an opportunity to go to Uptown and see a Charlotte Bobcats game. They won in overtime so that was quite exciting.

Still no news on the job front. I did two interviews, which I thought went well. My feelings are either the interviews went worse than expected (which I thought down to a seance at this point) or they notice that although I have an open schedule to work, that I have a finance degree and will be quick to leave the job if something more permanent comes up. Anyhow, I could really use some extra money before the other job starts. I'll just be thankful that I have a job come June though.

I was converting some pictures into Polaroid looking photographs after I saw it on Melanie's blog, and I really enjoyed the ones of my grandparents. They give the photographs more character in my opinion. I wish I got to spend more time with the three of them, but being nearly 700 miles away makes it near impossible to see them as often as I would like. I am watching a movie called "Away From Her" which deals with aging and living in a nursing home (living facility). It is so sad for me to know that they are there by themselves, and it doesn't help the fact that there is nothing I can do about it.

It truly broke my heart the first time I realized that age with the help of Dementia was slowly taking my Mother's father and Father's mother away from me. I will never forgot the first time my Poppy did not know who I was. I never want to get to a point where the people I love the most, will never recall the role I have played in their life. How devastating to lose all of the memories of your past unwillingly. Just to think about not remembering my family, David, or my friends makes me tear up.

I can only hope that my grandparents, although in their later stages of life, will be around to enjoy the happiest times in my life to soon come.